Rewards!

As a parent I already know that rewards are a good incentive for kids.  But when you have an Autistic child, the concept may be a little difficult to understand.  E has been pretty good about it, but still we all have our days.  I try to teach both kids that everything has consequences and they can be good or bad.  I think some people relate consequences to being a bad thing, but in reality, a consequence is just a result of something.

Since the time change, E had been acting out.  Like, really bad meltdowns... doesn't want to get up for school and would have to prompted thru the whole morning routine while kicking and screaming.... fun first thing in the morning, right?  Then when it was time to go to daddy dinner, or daddy weekend, it was the same thing, kicking, screaming, crying.  Or he would come home from school, didn't want to do homework, and when I would call to say hi he would not want to get on the phone and would say "I hate mommy!"  Definitely not a job for sissies!  He goes thru these periods once in a while.  In the beginign when he'd say that it would hurt, but after a while I realized, he just doesn't know how to express what he's feeling and you grow a thick skin to get thru the rough spots.  All in all tho he is a loving and and good kid, so I don't try not to let these times stress me out too much. 

On one particular Tuesday, E did this to his room.
Not sure why he was upset because he won't tell me. Sometimes when it's a daddy day he doesn't want to go.  He had a hard time in the beginning, but then got used to it, but now and again he'll act out, and this was one of those days.  I took a different approach this time. Instead of making him clean it up when he got home, I packed up all the toys from the floor (even the chair). When he got home he was shocked to find it all gone. I told him that he was disrespectful to his toys and our house and he will have to earn his things back. After sulking in his bed, he got up and said "I'm sorry mom. I want to earn my things back". Tears of joy, I made a breakthrough!  I learned very quickly not to say something you are not going to follow thru with, so I choose my words carefully :) In the past I’ve told him, if you don’t pick up you toys/books, I’m going to throw them away… luckily he did! But there has been a few times we’ve had to throw away a few toys because that’s what I said we’d do. So now I say I’m going to take them away.

Since then his mood has been up and down, but nothing as bad as the room disaster.  But last week he came home with homework that was new to him; division.  He was having a really hard time understanding and I was having a hard time explaining to him in a way that he could understand.  So I came up with another incentive.  Wii time!  I punched out circles and wrote 10 MIN on each one (I made 6, I knew D would want in too).  I told him that when we were done with the homework, he could get a "token" for Wii time.  And he started to calm down.  Now here comes the other son, who was doing his homework on his own in his room.  I told him he could earn one too when he was done.  And before I knew it, we were all done with homework!  I told them they could earn up to 3 a day, but to be careful because they can also be taken away.  I also told them that if hey got up and got ready for school and cooperated, they would earn another.  This one is really for E, he hates to get up in the morning, but I am letting both boys "earn" them.  It was a miracle!  E got up and got dressed and ready NO PROBLEM, and he got his "token".  And after school they did their homework, earning another... so the each earned 3 and they got to play Wii.  My mom saw the "tokens" and got me some plastic gold coins to use.  I love how these little plastic chips are coming in so handy!  And even on days where there is just not time for Wii, like soccer practice days, they can still earn them and use the for weekend play time.  And it limits the time on the Wii too, so it's a win/win!
It's been almost a week and so far so good.  I'm so glad when I figure out something that works, and in this case for both kids.  Whatever make life easier! :)

Soccer friends

Having a cool treat after the game! :)

Sports and Autism

E decided that he wanted to play soccer this year... ok, WAY outside my comfort zone for me to let him play.  I think watching D play last year was encouraging for him.  Sure he liked kicking around the ball with his brother, but how would he do in sports??  During practices he would sometimes warm up and do some drills with the team, but he has difficulty following directions at times and that had me concerned.  How would the coach be if he was not able to play like the other kids during game time?  How would the other kids treat him if he kicked the ball the wrong way or missed a shot?  How would the other parents feel?  I worry about it all too much sometimes.  But there was still some time after D's season ended to know if E was really serious about it.  So I had them take Karate.  It was an 8 week class at the park so it wasn't too intense, but I thought perhaps this would give him a feel of what others would expect from him.  But as difficult has it was for him to stay focused and do the drills at times, the instructor told me he was a strong kid and could do well.  Even earn himself a yellow belt.  So once Karate was done, I asked him, "Do you still want to play soccer?" and his answer was still yes.  

So here we are, 3 weeks of practice before the first game and we just had game 5, and he really seems to enjoy it.  He still has some focus issues sometimes, but he's getting there.  There was one game in particular last week that he kicked around the dirt for some time that he was on the field during the game.  After that game I said, "you really need to focus out there buddy, your team needs you.  If you just kick dirt around, they are short one player so you need to work hard"  He said, OK... that's a pretty standard answer and sometimes I'm not sure if he's taking in what I'm saying to him, so the night before the next game I reminded him about staying focused and how important teamwork was, and again he said, OK.  I cross my fingers and hope for the best!  Well I guess he was listening because he was running up and down the field with the rest of the kids and even his coach told him he did great.  I'm glad we got the same coach D had.  He already knew E so that made it a little more comfortable for me that his coach was aware that he needed a little more help and he's very encouraging to E.  And surprisingly I just found out this week that one of the girls on the team was in E class room last year and the year before.  Seeing this girl you would never know she is autistic.  Her mom told me that she wasn't talking till she was 4.  She said she was very pleased with all of the therapy and teachers that have helped her daughter progress so much, including E teacher.  She said sports have made a huge difference for her too.  She's been playing for 2 years now and told me, keep him in sports, it helps so much.  I told her how I had been hesitant in letting him play, but he wanted to and I don't like to set limit for him (he has enough already thru no fault of his own).  She agreed and said she's the same way.  It was so great to talk to someone who knows exactly what I feel. I'm glad I don't let my own fears get in the way of what he wants to do or try.    

The "eyes" have it!

Well as it turns out, E does not need any type of vision therapy, but he did need glasses and I find him just as adorable as ever with them!  When we walk out of the office after he got them he couldn't help but clap when he was looking at everything around him for the first time thru glasses.  He's been good about wearing the, even wore them when it was picture day at school.  But he's not so careful with them, so I have to keep an eye on him…no pun intended.  So all is well, and it was a good idea that I had him checked out.  At least he got glasses that he obviously needed.

A new outlook

I was reading in the Temple Grandin book about how some autistic children could benefit from seeing a Development Optometrist.  Some research shows that distractions that impact the ability to focus on their work can come from different color contracts or certain lighting, like fluorescent which tent to flicker.  Most of us don't tend to notice this in our daily lives, but to a person with sensory issues, who know to what extent it effects them.  Since he's always had some sensory issues, this may be something that can be helped with the aid of colored lens.  I know when we do homework he does get distracted at times, but also in school he does seem, according to his teaching and his work, be behind in some cases then the rest of the class.  So I looked into this and found a Doctor in Burbank.  We're going today, let's see how this goes…to be continued

It was a Happy 4th!

As it turns out, we ended up going to a fireworks display at a local park.  We never go as E has always been too sensitive to the noise.  In the past when I've asked he's always said not, but this year imagine my surprise when he said yes!  So out we went, with earphone this time to help reduce the noise.  He was so excited and I'm glad the experience went off with a bang! - pun intended :p

Homework... ugh, homework...

I was thinking about something that happened a few months ago.  I had a sinus infection and it was just making me grumpy. E and I sat down and did some homework sheets... probably shouldn't have done that when I felt so crappy and my patience was already thin. Math was fine, but language is painstaking. At 7 years old his comprehension is very limited sometimes. Most times he guesses. After a half hour dealing with the language assignment and grumpy mom, I realized how defeated he was. I said, the words are hard for you huh? he said, yes. I said the numbers seem easier for you than words, again he said yes. I said, that's OK buddy, we'll work on it and figure something out. he said, thank you. that just melted my heart. My poor guy. We ended homework by doing one more math sheet so that he could end on a high note. Our kiddos just want to have a sense of accomplishment...don't we all? <3
It's so important to have patience with any child, and it can be so difficult.  I don't see my self as a patient person, so I really need to work on that.  Just gotta remember to breath sometimes.  For some reason, things really start to click for E just before the school year is about to end.  Even the teacher notices.  He tries so hard and although he may not get the best test scores, I know he tries.  He talks so much now, in just the last couple of months too.  So he may not lead the pack, but he's not going down with a fight :)  Since he's in a special day program, he gets the opportunity to go to ESY (extended school year - summer school), but that doesn't start for another couple of weeks.  I have some work sheets that we can practice together in between some summer time fun :)  
love my guys!