One of those days...that lasted all weekend.

Pretty difficult day today.  The 100+ temps and humidity didn't leave much for us to do, on top of my mom just having surgery on Friday, we've been pretty much cooped up most of the weekend.  Today I decided going to the movies was in order.   I've been so busy this weekend, that it just occurred to me a few hours ago that it's already Monday.  'Milo was extremely goofy at the movies, much like he's been all weekend.  So hyperactive.  It finally wore me down this morning and I just broke down in tears.  But who couldn't use a good cry now and then.  Even now as I write this, he's been up out of his bed three times.  He gets very excitable; screaming and shouting, laughing, jumping, banging the furniture.  It's very exhausting because when he gets like this he does not listen, it's like he's not even hearing me.  I don't know what triggers him to be overstimulated this way.  I don't ever want to get to the point of medication.  If I can figure out the triggers, then I can hopefully defuse these episodes.  My cousin gave me some herbal soothing tea that helps her son, who is severely Autistic.  I was able to sneak in a bit in his juice at dinner time and he didn't seem to notice.  I think I'll try some more tomorrow for him and increase the tea a bit.  We'll see how it goes.  He finally feel asleep, so at lease for now, the house is quiet.  

Bed Time Blues

E started to get upset when it was time. Had to repeat several time to brush teeth and go to bed and even had to raise my voice, but kept myself calm. Held my hand out to help him off the floor. We walked down the hall all the while he complained, pinched me, yelled at me, but I stayed calm and quiet. Wouldn't brush his teeth so I did it for him, not saying a word. Walked him to his room and tucked him in. And then at the end, still in a whiny voice, he said, I'm sad. I said, why are you sad son? And he said, because I'm so sorry. Well that just melts my heart! I said, that's ok we all have a bad day sometimes, thank you for being sorry. This means the world to me as he's starting to recognize his actions AND more importantly his emotions. These realizations really defused what could have been a long night for us. I'm grateful everyday that progress is possible!

Soccer

I think I’ll always worry about E getting picked on. I know some kids are more prone to it than others, and some kids handle it better than others.  But I know he’s different and sometimes kids, mean kids, seek out “easy targets”.  As he’s gotten older, I can see his peers are less tolerant of his behavior.  Well, maybe they just don’t understand it and that’s why.  Doesn’t make it right, but it’s just what some kids do.  It’s important that parents, and it’s up to parents, to let their kids know that everyone’s different and that’s OK.  In his class, he blends in because he’s in a class with other Autistic kids.  They are supervised outside the classroom as well so I don’t worry about too much at school.  But being out and around others I can see how others perceived him as…. hmmm, rambunctious, for lack of a better word.  Sure lots of kids are, but at 8, he’s probably not as matured for his age as others. 

I can see it sometimes around other kids his age.  He’ll begin waving his hands in front of his face or do his little grunts and the kids just look at him.  He’s not always understood when he talks because of his Ankyloglossia (commonly known as “tongue tie”, a congenital oral anomaly which may decrease mobility of the tongue tip).  And when he’s anxious about a situation, he doesn’t handle it so gracefully.  He rarely has a meltdown in a public place anymore, but he will become less focused, less cooperative and just plain ornery!

So in getting ready for the soccer game last night I was already worried that game time for him was gonna be a bust.  He insisted on getting himself ready, which I like to encourage, but we were running late as it was.  The soccer socks are tight and takes some patience getting on and he won’t let me help.  The laces on his shoes are shorter than his regular shoes, so he can’t make the big “bunny ears” he’s use to on his regular shoes and he wont let me help.  With all the struggling he gets frustrating so the grunting, the hitting and yelling begins.  But we managed to get in the car with just enough time to be on time at the park.  In the course of the drive he starts pointing out little things like, “there’s a driveway”… just little things like he’s trying to break the tension in the car.  Then softly he says “I hate it when I’m crazy”  Aww, that just broke my heart.  It was like he was aware of his actions and didn’t understand them or know how to deal with it.  I said, “I know buddy.  It’s OK.  We all get frustrated, we just have to learn to be patient and calm”.  And just like that, he was back on track and ready for game time. 

This year he was giving his all.  Last year was his first year and so he was just starting to learn the game, but spent more time chasing his shadow during the games.  But he did try and had a great time.  But this year I could see it was different.  He’s really tried to do the drills he was taught and paid more attention and RAN his little butt off during the games.  And on this very day where all was spiraling downhill just before leaving the house he was having a great time playing.  He even gave the ball a good kick and was very pleased about it!  I could see him looking at me from the field as if to say, “did you see me kick the ball!!?” with a proud little smile on his face.  I gave him a thumbs up (that’s our sign for “good job!”).  At the half all the kids came in for a water break and pep talk from the coach and as E sat down for a rest another little boy said, “E, good job!” and gave him a thumbs up.  I thought I was going to explode in happy tears!  He said, “thanks” and I was thrilled.  Not all kids are mean.  That was actually a meaningful acknowledgment and I was so proud of him for doing a great job.  Another game the same boy told him “E, that was a good kick!” and it’s just made me feel that this kids was making a real effort to make E feel part of the team and proud of his efforts he made.

At the end of the season, we had a bowling party for the kids and guess who got the highest point of all the kids!! Yes, E!!  It was so neat to watch the boys giving him high 5’s and telling his what a great job he did.  He’s very excited to play now more than ever, so if he wants to continue playing I’ll continue supporting him. 

Rewards!

As a parent I already know that rewards are a good incentive for kids.  But when you have an Autistic child, the concept may be a little difficult to understand.  E has been pretty good about it, but still we all have our days.  I try to teach both kids that everything has consequences and they can be good or bad.  I think some people relate consequences to being a bad thing, but in reality, a consequence is just a result of something.

Since the time change, E had been acting out.  Like, really bad meltdowns... doesn't want to get up for school and would have to prompted thru the whole morning routine while kicking and screaming.... fun first thing in the morning, right?  Then when it was time to go to daddy dinner, or daddy weekend, it was the same thing, kicking, screaming, crying.  Or he would come home from school, didn't want to do homework, and when I would call to say hi he would not want to get on the phone and would say "I hate mommy!"  Definitely not a job for sissies!  He goes thru these periods once in a while.  In the beginign when he'd say that it would hurt, but after a while I realized, he just doesn't know how to express what he's feeling and you grow a thick skin to get thru the rough spots.  All in all tho he is a loving and and good kid, so I don't try not to let these times stress me out too much. 

On one particular Tuesday, E did this to his room.
Not sure why he was upset because he won't tell me. Sometimes when it's a daddy day he doesn't want to go.  He had a hard time in the beginning, but then got used to it, but now and again he'll act out, and this was one of those days.  I took a different approach this time. Instead of making him clean it up when he got home, I packed up all the toys from the floor (even the chair). When he got home he was shocked to find it all gone. I told him that he was disrespectful to his toys and our house and he will have to earn his things back. After sulking in his bed, he got up and said "I'm sorry mom. I want to earn my things back". Tears of joy, I made a breakthrough!  I learned very quickly not to say something you are not going to follow thru with, so I choose my words carefully :) In the past I’ve told him, if you don’t pick up you toys/books, I’m going to throw them away… luckily he did! But there has been a few times we’ve had to throw away a few toys because that’s what I said we’d do. So now I say I’m going to take them away.

Since then his mood has been up and down, but nothing as bad as the room disaster.  But last week he came home with homework that was new to him; division.  He was having a really hard time understanding and I was having a hard time explaining to him in a way that he could understand.  So I came up with another incentive.  Wii time!  I punched out circles and wrote 10 MIN on each one (I made 6, I knew D would want in too).  I told him that when we were done with the homework, he could get a "token" for Wii time.  And he started to calm down.  Now here comes the other son, who was doing his homework on his own in his room.  I told him he could earn one too when he was done.  And before I knew it, we were all done with homework!  I told them they could earn up to 3 a day, but to be careful because they can also be taken away.  I also told them that if hey got up and got ready for school and cooperated, they would earn another.  This one is really for E, he hates to get up in the morning, but I am letting both boys "earn" them.  It was a miracle!  E got up and got dressed and ready NO PROBLEM, and he got his "token".  And after school they did their homework, earning another... so the each earned 3 and they got to play Wii.  My mom saw the "tokens" and got me some plastic gold coins to use.  I love how these little plastic chips are coming in so handy!  And even on days where there is just not time for Wii, like soccer practice days, they can still earn them and use the for weekend play time.  And it limits the time on the Wii too, so it's a win/win!
It's been almost a week and so far so good.  I'm so glad when I figure out something that works, and in this case for both kids.  Whatever make life easier! :)

Soccer friends

Having a cool treat after the game! :)

Sports and Autism

E decided that he wanted to play soccer this year... ok, WAY outside my comfort zone for me to let him play.  I think watching D play last year was encouraging for him.  Sure he liked kicking around the ball with his brother, but how would he do in sports??  During practices he would sometimes warm up and do some drills with the team, but he has difficulty following directions at times and that had me concerned.  How would the coach be if he was not able to play like the other kids during game time?  How would the other kids treat him if he kicked the ball the wrong way or missed a shot?  How would the other parents feel?  I worry about it all too much sometimes.  But there was still some time after D's season ended to know if E was really serious about it.  So I had them take Karate.  It was an 8 week class at the park so it wasn't too intense, but I thought perhaps this would give him a feel of what others would expect from him.  But as difficult has it was for him to stay focused and do the drills at times, the instructor told me he was a strong kid and could do well.  Even earn himself a yellow belt.  So once Karate was done, I asked him, "Do you still want to play soccer?" and his answer was still yes.  

So here we are, 3 weeks of practice before the first game and we just had game 5, and he really seems to enjoy it.  He still has some focus issues sometimes, but he's getting there.  There was one game in particular last week that he kicked around the dirt for some time that he was on the field during the game.  After that game I said, "you really need to focus out there buddy, your team needs you.  If you just kick dirt around, they are short one player so you need to work hard"  He said, OK... that's a pretty standard answer and sometimes I'm not sure if he's taking in what I'm saying to him, so the night before the next game I reminded him about staying focused and how important teamwork was, and again he said, OK.  I cross my fingers and hope for the best!  Well I guess he was listening because he was running up and down the field with the rest of the kids and even his coach told him he did great.  I'm glad we got the same coach D had.  He already knew E so that made it a little more comfortable for me that his coach was aware that he needed a little more help and he's very encouraging to E.  And surprisingly I just found out this week that one of the girls on the team was in E class room last year and the year before.  Seeing this girl you would never know she is autistic.  Her mom told me that she wasn't talking till she was 4.  She said she was very pleased with all of the therapy and teachers that have helped her daughter progress so much, including E teacher.  She said sports have made a huge difference for her too.  She's been playing for 2 years now and told me, keep him in sports, it helps so much.  I told her how I had been hesitant in letting him play, but he wanted to and I don't like to set limit for him (he has enough already thru no fault of his own).  She agreed and said she's the same way.  It was so great to talk to someone who knows exactly what I feel. I'm glad I don't let my own fears get in the way of what he wants to do or try.    

The "eyes" have it!

Well as it turns out, E does not need any type of vision therapy, but he did need glasses and I find him just as adorable as ever with them!  When we walk out of the office after he got them he couldn't help but clap when he was looking at everything around him for the first time thru glasses.  He's been good about wearing the, even wore them when it was picture day at school.  But he's not so careful with them, so I have to keep an eye on him…no pun intended.  So all is well, and it was a good idea that I had him checked out.  At least he got glasses that he obviously needed.