Soccer friends

Having a cool treat after the game! :)

Sports and Autism

E decided that he wanted to play soccer this year... ok, WAY outside my comfort zone for me to let him play.  I think watching D play last year was encouraging for him.  Sure he liked kicking around the ball with his brother, but how would he do in sports??  During practices he would sometimes warm up and do some drills with the team, but he has difficulty following directions at times and that had me concerned.  How would the coach be if he was not able to play like the other kids during game time?  How would the other kids treat him if he kicked the ball the wrong way or missed a shot?  How would the other parents feel?  I worry about it all too much sometimes.  But there was still some time after D's season ended to know if E was really serious about it.  So I had them take Karate.  It was an 8 week class at the park so it wasn't too intense, but I thought perhaps this would give him a feel of what others would expect from him.  But as difficult has it was for him to stay focused and do the drills at times, the instructor told me he was a strong kid and could do well.  Even earn himself a yellow belt.  So once Karate was done, I asked him, "Do you still want to play soccer?" and his answer was still yes.  

So here we are, 3 weeks of practice before the first game and we just had game 5, and he really seems to enjoy it.  He still has some focus issues sometimes, but he's getting there.  There was one game in particular last week that he kicked around the dirt for some time that he was on the field during the game.  After that game I said, "you really need to focus out there buddy, your team needs you.  If you just kick dirt around, they are short one player so you need to work hard"  He said, OK... that's a pretty standard answer and sometimes I'm not sure if he's taking in what I'm saying to him, so the night before the next game I reminded him about staying focused and how important teamwork was, and again he said, OK.  I cross my fingers and hope for the best!  Well I guess he was listening because he was running up and down the field with the rest of the kids and even his coach told him he did great.  I'm glad we got the same coach D had.  He already knew E so that made it a little more comfortable for me that his coach was aware that he needed a little more help and he's very encouraging to E.  And surprisingly I just found out this week that one of the girls on the team was in E class room last year and the year before.  Seeing this girl you would never know she is autistic.  Her mom told me that she wasn't talking till she was 4.  She said she was very pleased with all of the therapy and teachers that have helped her daughter progress so much, including E teacher.  She said sports have made a huge difference for her too.  She's been playing for 2 years now and told me, keep him in sports, it helps so much.  I told her how I had been hesitant in letting him play, but he wanted to and I don't like to set limit for him (he has enough already thru no fault of his own).  She agreed and said she's the same way.  It was so great to talk to someone who knows exactly what I feel. I'm glad I don't let my own fears get in the way of what he wants to do or try.    

The "eyes" have it!

Well as it turns out, E does not need any type of vision therapy, but he did need glasses and I find him just as adorable as ever with them!  When we walk out of the office after he got them he couldn't help but clap when he was looking at everything around him for the first time thru glasses.  He's been good about wearing the, even wore them when it was picture day at school.  But he's not so careful with them, so I have to keep an eye on him…no pun intended.  So all is well, and it was a good idea that I had him checked out.  At least he got glasses that he obviously needed.

A new outlook

I was reading in the Temple Grandin book about how some autistic children could benefit from seeing a Development Optometrist.  Some research shows that distractions that impact the ability to focus on their work can come from different color contracts or certain lighting, like fluorescent which tent to flicker.  Most of us don't tend to notice this in our daily lives, but to a person with sensory issues, who know to what extent it effects them.  Since he's always had some sensory issues, this may be something that can be helped with the aid of colored lens.  I know when we do homework he does get distracted at times, but also in school he does seem, according to his teaching and his work, be behind in some cases then the rest of the class.  So I looked into this and found a Doctor in Burbank.  We're going today, let's see how this goes…to be continued

It was a Happy 4th!

As it turns out, we ended up going to a fireworks display at a local park.  We never go as E has always been too sensitive to the noise.  In the past when I've asked he's always said not, but this year imagine my surprise when he said yes!  So out we went, with earphone this time to help reduce the noise.  He was so excited and I'm glad the experience went off with a bang! - pun intended :p

Homework... ugh, homework...

I was thinking about something that happened a few months ago.  I had a sinus infection and it was just making me grumpy. E and I sat down and did some homework sheets... probably shouldn't have done that when I felt so crappy and my patience was already thin. Math was fine, but language is painstaking. At 7 years old his comprehension is very limited sometimes. Most times he guesses. After a half hour dealing with the language assignment and grumpy mom, I realized how defeated he was. I said, the words are hard for you huh? he said, yes. I said the numbers seem easier for you than words, again he said yes. I said, that's OK buddy, we'll work on it and figure something out. he said, thank you. that just melted my heart. My poor guy. We ended homework by doing one more math sheet so that he could end on a high note. Our kiddos just want to have a sense of accomplishment...don't we all? <3
It's so important to have patience with any child, and it can be so difficult.  I don't see my self as a patient person, so I really need to work on that.  Just gotta remember to breath sometimes.  For some reason, things really start to click for E just before the school year is about to end.  Even the teacher notices.  He tries so hard and although he may not get the best test scores, I know he tries.  He talks so much now, in just the last couple of months too.  So he may not lead the pack, but he's not going down with a fight :)  Since he's in a special day program, he gets the opportunity to go to ESY (extended school year - summer school), but that doesn't start for another couple of weeks.  I have some work sheets that we can practice together in between some summer time fun :)  
love my guys! 

I fear my youngest son is growing up too fast!

At 3 years old I could already see that D recognized there were some things E needed help with. Autism is not an easy thing for anyone. But at this tender young age, D has become his brother's helper. It's wonderful and heartbreaking at the same time. D is 5 now and I want him to have a childhood, but I can tell he's gonna be the man of the house. E's diagnosis of Autism is high functioning, however some tasks prove to be quite challenging for all of us.  Potty training was the hardest. But he can write his name, he's speaking in sentences, he's enjoying school and is actually mainstreamed into a traditional class room everyday for about an hour.  But sometimes there are meltdowns and tantrums (not as often anymore, yay!). He can be quite excitable and quite loud (usually due to something on tv that he's watching). And when E gets too loud D will sometimes turn off the TV and say, "E, no yelling!" Or when E is dropped off at school, D will remind him "be a super star!", and you better believe he reports to me if the teacher told Grammy that E was not behaving in class
Yes, little D doesn't take this role he's given himself lightly, but sometimes I need to remind him to just be a kid and that I'm the mommy.

Changing your prospective

As I've been reading Temple Grandin's book, The Way I See It, I have uncovered things I've never thought of before.  Like my child's limitations...oh I've thought about the, trust me.  But it is so easy for me to focus on the limitations, not because I don't see positives in him, but because I'm so focused on what I can do to help.  As she says in her book, "There is often too much emphasis in the world of Autism on the deficits of these children and not enough emphasis on developing the special talents that many of them posses".  To that I say AMEN!  I'm not saying I will overlook these developmental deficiencies, but I will make a commitment to turn a portion of my focus on what he CAN do.  Building on their talents can help them develop employable skills.  It can expand on their socialization and independence.  This is all we want for any of our kids, on the spectrum or not.  So it's time to change the prospective on what Autisic children are capable of!

Sure, it gets to be too much sometimes...

My name is Lisa. I'm a single mom of two boys and my oldest son has mild/moderate autism. I work full time so I have plenty on my plate managing both work and home and fulfilling the needs of both my boys. Juggling it all can be challenging, but never dull! To make things more interesting, my co-parent seemed to be in denial at times because he didn't seem to fully accept the limitation our son has.  But he's gotten a little better.

Some days I'm on the verge of tears, but my boys keep me up beat and going.

I knew very early on he was autistic. Before he was even diagnosed. I saw many characteristic in him that were similar to my cousin's child that has sever autism

When he was 2 he was not yet talking and was having meltdowns over not being able to communicate. To the point that he was bang his head on the floor. We learned sign language and that help A LOT! Since then, with the help of Regional Center, he was getting Early Intervention, Speech therapy and OT. Right now he is in 2nd grade and in the Special Day program at an LAUSD school and is receiving Speech, OT and AEP. I also looked into ABA (applied behavior analysis)  Why behavior? He yells, a lot. And not really out of anger. He is very excitable and it can be overwhelming at times. Also, discipline. It can be pretty difficult for an autistic child to comprehend cause and effect and consequences. When I am trying to discipline he laughs uncontrollably and it can be pretty frustrating. Then I find that I get frustrated with myself for not having more patience.

Sound familiar?  You are NOT alone

Earplugs for church

Yes it's true... we take earplugs to church.  At lunch today I took my book with me, "The Way I See It", by Temple Grandin, and was reading about how growing up she was put into social situations that we not always comfortable for her due to sensory overload, and one of the examples was going to church which made me think about our own struggles with social situations and sensory overload and how they go hand in hand a lot of times.

At Universal Studio's watching the Waterworld show

I wish I had thought about this early on in other situations, such as restaurants, movies, fireworks displays, but early on in the Autism world, I wasn't always prepared for situations.  Oh, I thought I was, but as you begin to realize, you learn new techniques every day with helping your child cope.  We got some passes for Universal Studios last year and the first few trips I realized, my son is not going to get use to this.  I thought OK, once or twice and he'd get use to the noises of the shows, the constant chatter of people all around, but he wasn't.  Then one day on our superstore visit, I saw them: earplugs (insert angelic music and beam of light here).  Could they work?  Could they do the trick for the stress of sensory overload?  Worth a shot... we took them home.  Then on our next trip we took the earplugs, and whaddya know, they did the trick. So now we take the ear plugs anywhere I think we'll need them... including church.  I just recently introduced the boys to church and didn't think anything of it...I was unprepared!  I could see the meltdown starting.  Several times my mom took him outside so he could calm down.  But something about it was making him uncomfortable and he was in tears and clinging to me thru most of the whole service.  Maybe it was the murmuring sound of the collective voices.  Even the music, which he usually responds to well, was not helping.  In fact, it seemed to be adding to the situation.  So the next time we went to church, which he was already resisting (surely because his first experience was negative for him), I took the earplugs.  I said, "you can use your earplugs today, OK?"  That seems to give him some relief.  When we got to church he immediately asked me to put them in.  Ahhhhhh, it worked!  And just like that, church is no longer stressful for him.  So it may be just one more thing I have to carry around in my bag, but oh so worth it 'cause you just never know!

The grass is greener...

 Ahhhhh, remember those days of running bare foot thru the grass as a kid.  I used to love that.  Heck I still do.  Spring is here and it time for fresh green grass between the toes.   

 But the feeling of grass was something E had to over come.  His sensitivity to touch, sounds, smells can make for a stressed out kid.  It's been 5 years of on going OT and he has definitely come a long way.  He'd always keep his shoes on, sit in a chair or on a blanket on the grass but look at him now.  It may seem like a small accomplishment, but it really is a victory for E. 

E gets an outstanding student award! YAY!

Recognize the signs

No one likes to think there is something wrong with their child.  See, that!! "wrong".  That's your first mistake.  There is nothing "wrong" with your child.  You have to change your way of thinking.  You child is unique and just like everyone else has their own way of thinking and learning.
The list below are signs that your child may be autistic.   How do I know?  Because my son is.  He is high functioning autistic.  Autism is a very wide spectrum and not all autistic kids are alike.  But because my cousin's son is autistic, I recognized some of the characteristics in my own child.  I can see it in other kids too.  I've been around this too long not to.  If you feel your child might have some of these characteristic then get it checked out.  You are doing a disservice if you don't.  And it may not be autism; it could be some other disorder or learning disability.  Professionals can help you with ways to aid your child's learning and development in a way they can understand  Don't worry about what people think! That's what we teach our kids, right?  Isn't your child more important than someone else's ignorance?   

In E's case, these are some of this signs I noticed and still notice today:

• Very little or no eye contact.
• Tends to get too close when speaking to someone (lack of personal space).  *His speech teacher just told me of a great idea she is doing in the class room to help with this!  Hula hoops!  This way kids have a visible barrier to help them understand.
• Responds to social interactions, but does not initiate them.  I see this at gathering or at a park, he won't usually go up to someone without some prompting, but he's getting better
• Prefers to be alone, aloft or overly-friendly.
• Frequent gas (flatulence, burping) or throwing up.
• Difficulty understanding jokes, figures of speech.
• Difficulty reading facial expressions and body language.  This is where my patience runs thin.  When disciplining he laugh uncontrollably.  It's almost like he's unaware.  It drives me nuts, but so I would us visual aids for this sometimes (pictures of happy, sad, unhappy faces).  Now if I use the word "scold" (do I have to scold you?) it usually makes him stop laughing.  It's like he knows when I use that word I mean business...Whatever he thinks it is, it helps.  Just gotta find what works.  
• Difficulty understanding the rules of conversation.
• Aversion to answering questions about themselves.  He is getting better at this.
• Gives spontaneous comments which seem to have no connection to the current conversation.
• Seems unable to understand other peoples' feelings.
• Finds it easier to socialize with people that are older or younger, rather than peers of their own age.
• Unaware of/disinterested in what is going on around them.
• Minimal acknowledgement of others.
• Abnormal use of pitch, intonation, rhythm or stress while speaking.
• Speech is abnormally loud or quiet.
• Repeats last words or phrases several times.
• Often uses short, incomplete sentences.  Although since the beginning of this school year this has improved so much
• Pronouns are often inappropriately used.
• Difficulty understanding directional terms (front, back, before, after).
• Ritualistic or compulsive behavior patterns (sniffing, licking, watching objects fall, flapping arms, spinning, rubbing clothes).
• Fascination with rotation.
• Play is often repetitive.
• Quotes movies or video games. (Echolalia)
• Frustration is expressed in unusual ways. E will sometimes express by biting, hitting, headbanging.
• Feels the need to fix or rearrange things.
• Transitioning from one activity to another is difficult.
• Difficulty attending to some tasks.
• Gross motor skills are developmentally behind peers (riding a bike, skating, running).
• Fine motor skills are developmentally behind peers (hand writing, tying shoes, scissors).
• Fear (phobia) for no apparent reason.  Along with not being able to communicate exactly why he feels this way can be frustrating for him.
• Verbal outbursts.
• Unexpected movements (running out into the street).
• Difficulty sensing time (Knowing how long ten minutes is or three days or a week).
• Difficulty waiting for their turn (such as in a line).
• Causes injury to self (biting, banging head). 
• Sensitivity to sounds, textures (touch), tastes, smells or light.  I take a pair of earplugs if I know we're going to a place where too much sound will be involved (amusement park, movies, restaurants)
• Difficulty with loud or sudden sounds.  No 4th of July celebrations for us!
• Inability to perceive potentially dangerous situations.
• Unusually high pain tolerance. This one concerns me a lot.  Along with no awareness of danger can be a recipe for disaster)
• Intolerance to certain food textures, colors or the way they are presented on the plate (one food can’t touch another).  He's getting better, but can be a very picky eater!
• Laughs, cries or throws a tantrum for no apparent reason.
• Resists change in the environment (people, places, objects).
• An emotional incident can determine the mood for the day - emotions can pass very suddenly or are drawn out for a long period of time.
• Becomes overwhelmed with too much verbal direction.
• Tends to either tune out or break down when being reprimanded. (this is a tough one for me, he laugh uncontrollably when I am trying to discipline)
• Excellent rote memory in some areas.
• Difficulty with reading comprehension (can quote an answer, but unable to predict, summarize or find symbolism).
• Difficulty with fine motor activities (coloring, printing, scissors, gluing).
• Short attention span for most lessons.
• Resistance or inability to follow directions.
• Difficulty transitioning from one activity to another in school.
• Walks on toes.  He's outgrown this, but still tends to from time to time.
• Difficulty changing from one floor surface to another (carpet to wood, sidewalk to grass).
• Appearance of hearing problems, but hearing has been checked and is fine.

So you may be saying to yourself, what kid doesn't have some of these?   Heck, for that matter what adults don't have some of these.  But it's different.  I can't explain how, but it is.  I guess you have to be a parent to understand.  For E, there so many steps that I have to take when it comes to the simplest tasks that most people wouldn't even think twice about.  I know the ability (and limitation) of both my kids and each one is cared for in a way that is best for them as individuals.  When friends see E they say, I wouldn't have guess he's autistic.  That makes me feel like I'm doing something right :)

"Fixing" Autism

Probably one of the most moving videos you will ever see. See this dad's touching video and have some tissues ready!

Don't be a bully!

This appeared on my FB feed today.  It is from the Autism Speaks FB page:  "Unfortunately, 60% of children with special needs experience severe bullying. We’re proud to be part of the community promoting the new documentary film Bully to raise awareness about how bullying affects children with special needs, like autism. Check out specialneeds.thebullyproject.com to learn more, and find out what you can do to help our children live in a bully free world."

I would be lying if I said I don't worry about this.  I really do.  I've seen how other kids, even some of his own cousins, look annoyed with him.  They don't understand his way and will tell him to "shut up" or give him a look.  It breaks my heart.  But I stay calm and just remove him from the situation.  Thankfully he's not aware that their words are action are insensitive.  One day he may, and I will be there for him. But you can help!  PLEASE educate your children. We can't be with them 24/7 to protect then or to make sure they do the right thing.  All we can do is give them the tools and the guidance to make good decisions when we're not around.

Here are some more articles on this subject:

http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-204_162-57406540/survey-finds-63-of-children-with-autism-bullied/

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/03/28/autism-bully-aspberger_n_1385603.html

http://www.livescience.com/19304-bullying-autism-asperger.html

http://www.disabilityscoop.com/2012/03/26/kids-autism-bullied/15242/

When it all changed..

Little E.  He was always such a happy baby.  Full of smiles all the time.  He seemed to hit his milestone right on mark, if not sooner.  Sitting up and crawling before 6 months, walking before his first birthday.  Except for talking.  At 2 he still was not talking, just using hand gesture and making sounds.  But it got to the point where we would start banging his head on the floor and having tantrums.  Inconsolable.  We didn't know what to do.  At his 2 year check up, his pediatrician referred us to Regional Center.  She said they have programs that could help.  At least we had some direction.  I am so thankful that she suggested this.  We did start teaching him Sign Language and this did help is tantrums and head banging.  I honestly think he was just frustrated that he could not communicate with us.  Couldn't say he thirsty or tell us what he wanted to drink, or that he was hungry or wanted something.  Sign Language was a turning point.  He was now at least able to communicate so that was a relief for all of us.  By this time we were able to get an evaluation going for Regional Center and that was such a blessing.  They determined that he would need Early Intervention, Speech Therapy and OT (Occupational Therapy).  This was no easy task and it was a lengthy process.  A series of tests and interviews, forms to fill out, question after question.  But you know, when it's your child, you do it.  All of it.  What could be more important than your child's future.  It is definitely a commitment that will shape the development of your child and is not to be taken lightly.  They people they have for these services are AMAZING!  I don't know how they do it.  They work for you and with you.  They come to your house morning, afternoon, night, weekends, whatever you need.  They realize that people have work and personal commitments.  They work around you and your schedule.  They are overloaded with work due to a shortage of specialist in their fields.  But they get it done without complaint.  I can't imagine what it is like now that Autism is one the rise.  It is incredible the work that are expected to do and get done.  And this has only just begun...

He's perfect!

Little E

D and E.  My loves of my life

10 fingers, 10 toes…that's all you really worry about right.  What more could a parent ask for.  He seems normal, looks normal, he's healthy.  Perfect in every way.  Sight on scene, there would be nothing to indicate to you that your child will be diagnosed with Autism.  1 in 110?  No, that number just went down to 1 in 88.  But when you think about it, who doesn't have Autistic tendencies?  Still not the same growing up in a world where you are subjected to tests, evaluations… people, including family members, asking you, "what's wrong with him?"  What the hell does that mean?  That used to make me so made… still does.  "He's Autistic; what’s your excuse?" is what I wanted to say.  People can be so mean without even knowing it.  It's called ignorance with a dash of denial.  The world hasn't changed people.  Autism has existed for many years, you just didn't realize it.  I don't have time for the how's and why's, I just need to do for my son now.  What will help him in his daily life?  How can I help him to grow into an independent person of this society?  It's what I want for both my boys.  It's a big scary world out there.  But we'll get thru it.